The Ruling Party has hailed the drought, saying people with full stomachs are a problem.
It has been announced that 3 million people in the country will go hungry because of poor rainfall in all parts of the country. A spokesman for the Party said the Politburo had welcomed the news.
“I can confirm that the Politburo has welcomed the news,” the spokesman said, while picking pieces of T-bone steak from his teeth.
He explained: “People who have full stomachs are a serious problem to the party. They're hard to control.”
He carried on: “Imagine. If people are able to fend for themselves, who would come to Mother's rallies and ululate and dance for her donations of maize, soap, cooking oil and second hand clothes? Imagine!”
He then explained the party policy: “You see, our party is a party of the poor. This is why we keep creating more of them.”
One rather large chef told us what happened when he went to his village near Mupinyiwasvotoka hoping to hold a totally useless rally, as per party policy. “I went to my village near Mupinyiwasvotoka, hoping to hold a totally useless rally, as per party policy.
"This was in 2012 after the inconvenient bumper harvest. Nobody came to the rally, imagine, even though I had brought free stuff. Imagine. I was informed by my spies that this was because these silly villagers had had good harvests and all their stomachs were full. So they didn’t need my generous generosity. Imagine.”
He said it was as if people came to rallies for free food and not to listen to important speeches about Zimasset and Rhodesians and gamatox and One Centre of Power and Bush and Blair and territorial integrity and sovhereniti.
At that point, one of his unwise bootlickers whispered: “Eh, shefu, people actually do go to rallies for food, and not to listen to speeches about Zimasset and Rhodesians and gamatox and One Centre of Power and Bush and Blair and territorial integrity and sovhereniti.”
At which point the bootlicker was immediately arrested. He is now helping police with investigations.
People from All Walks of Life, a secret organization that appears every night on ZBC TV news to hail any new shit done by the people’s party, has hailed the drought.
One member of the People From All Walks of Life said: “I hail the drought. It will create more poor people, who are the vanguard of the revolutionary party. Even me I don't want a full stomach. I don't want to be a problem.”