Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The temptation of Kunonga

 



Nolbert 4:1-12
1. Then Kunonga was led into the wilderness, to be tempted by the devil.
2 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, only because there was no Nandos nearby, he was hungry
3 And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread
4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by the grabbing of church buildings, and renting them out for many shillings
5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, more accurately the CBD, and sitteth him high on the pinnacle of the Anglican temple,
6 And saith unto him, if thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down to the ground: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
7 Kunonga said unto him, nigga please! I ain't gonna jumpeth for nobody 
And I shall not go down even for you, for I be no homosexual
8 Again, Satan, shaking his head at Kunonga's homo obsession, taketh Kunonga up onto a very high mountain, most probably the Harare kopje, and showeth him all the properties of the Anglican diocese, from the main Cathedral, to Warren Park and Budiriro, and beyond, and the glory of them all;
9 And he said unto Kunonga, All these things will I give unto thee, if thou will fall down and worship me
10 And Kunonga, being pleased with the devil's offer, sayeth unto him, Get thee behind me Satan ... for I shall bend over for you, so you may haveth your way with my fat ass
11 And behold, in exchange for Kunonga's soul, the devil hadeth his way with the bishop's ass
12 And, it came to pass, that even when all the property had soon been removed from Kunonga's hands, so remaineth his ass sore and bruised
 



 

 

 

Friday, November 16, 2012

Kids go hungry, women go bald after beer hike



This is how bad things get when your Finance Minister isn't a drinker. Grown-ass men sharing masese from a bucket


Wives will now have to shave their heads and children will have to go without food and school fees after Tendai Biti raised the price of beer.

Biti said he was raising duty on beer in order to fund education. But raising beer prices defeats the purpose, according to experts interviewed at Asina Hembe bar.

"Ok, so you raise beer taxes because you want to fund education. Makes no sense. Why?" said a beer drinker, asking himself a question, before quickly answering it himself before anyone else did. "Because raising beer prices means we cut budgets for everything else. Why?" he asked, again to noone in particular. "This is because it is biologically impossible to cut beer consumption. So what do you do?" he asked again, now becoming a nuisance. "So you reduce your budget on other less important things, like the woman's hair, school fees, food and so forth..."

Mashiripiti Bar appeared deserted on Thursday, but that's just because
the drinkers are drinking in the dark, hiding from wives, etc







Friday, November 2, 2012

ZBC counters media lies with its own lies


ZBC, the most popular TV station in the country, which is also the only TV station in the country, has hired the country’s finest fiction writers to write its news bulletins, in a strategic counter-attacking move against Western lies about our country.
 
The so-called independent Western-funded media’s lies have gone too far, a spokesman for the ZBC said.
One journalist has now been arrested for saying that The Great Leader, currently aged 88, will be a whole 94 years old at the end of his next term of office which starts after he wins resoundingly next year.
 
All doubts about how marvelous The Great Leader is have now been ended after the 8PM news last night, which carried a variety of reports showing how impossibly incredible our leader is, contrary to all the media lies.
 
Here are the headlines:
  • The Head of State and Government and Commander in Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces - *newsreader pauses for breath* - is so good at multi-tasking today he killed two stones with one bird.

  • Rumours that The Leader can no longer see very well are lies, as he read a speech today with his eyes closed.

  • The Wise Leader has urged youths not to succumb to pressure from their peers. His spokesman dismissed suggestions that the only reason His Marvelous Excellency himself does not face peer pressure is because he has no peers. "There are many people his age, but they are in the rural areas, sitting under mango trees all day, snuffing Shamrock, drinking masese and talking shit."

 
In a documentary about his glorious past aired last night, it was revealed that The Great Leader once swallowed a nail and it came out the other end a screw.

In the Quiz section of the news, it was said that the old quiz question of ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg’ is irrelevant. Clearly, The Jongwe was obviously there way before both, because he's the one that impregnated the hen.

And in sports news: “The Great Leader has run the 100metres in 6 seconds, but, after that whole ganja thing, this will not be made public because he does not want to embarrass or offend the Jamaicans once again.”
 
Viewers across the country are glued to their screens, mouths open in wonder and delight, waiting for more news.

 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Dear Aunt Rhoda ... I have a problem



Mirror mirror on the wall, who has the best skin lightener of them all
 
 
Dear Aunt Rhoda,
I have a problem which worries me day and night, like all the problems that people who write to you have.

I am a newly married woman of 35.

I am married to a very powerful man and we recently moved into our new mansion in Highlands, Harare. The house is so big that sometimes we lose each other for hours when we are playing our naughty games of naked hide-and-seek. He calls it a treasure-hunt.

I just cannot trust him. He cheats so much I don’t even know if this baby I’m carrying is his.
There’s a girl in Bulawayo, a woman in Norton, and this mad woman in the paper. Even the Australian Prime Minister and Helen Zille giggle like little girls when they see my man.

He is a man of the people, mostly women.

Given the above, Aunty Rhoda, the question keeping me awake at night is this: What skin lightening cream should I use?

Orange and desperate,
Lizzy.

Dear Lizzy.
Use Deprozona and take Appetito. You’ll soon look as as light skinned as a fake prophet’s wife, and your ass will be so fat people will see it from the front.  Remember, if your husband is who I think he is (wink wink) you need to mind your complexion. He likes them light skinned.
You have serious competition, my dear. The other woman uses $1700 worth of  beauty treatment each month. Go a shade darker than her and she'll be sliding in through those mansion doors faster than a bottle at a Bev strip show.
Good luck.
Your loving Aunt Rhoda

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Long-time ruler laughs at relay team


Usain Bolt passing the baton to a team-mate. What a loser!!

A Great Long-time Ruler has expressed shock after he saw members of an Olympic relay team passing the baton.

“Bambo vangu Matibiri iweeehh! What are they doing?” he said, almost spilling his rooibos, which he drinks every day after his usual 73 km evening jog. “Who does that?”
“Eh, Your Magnificent Excellency, Sir,” one of the Great Ruler's people said, his voice trembling. “That is the rule of the race Oh My Great Crocodile. You run your part as best as you can, then you pass on the baton to the next person. Smoothly. That way, the whole team wins.”

A long silence then followed – The Great Ruler looked at his aide, then back at the TV, looked at his aide again, then back at the TV, tea cup in hand, shock on his face. Softly, he then asked: “But why?” Again, the poor guy, staring at the floor, said: “Eh, Sire, that’s the rule of the sport.” But, The Great Ruler  asks, "Why can’t he just run the whole race on his own?"

“Well, he can try, Your Emminence. But he'd look rather silly.”

The Great Leader then said: “Ah, so, in that case, that’s a silly sport ka? A silly sport indeed.” He then laughed himself to sleep: "Heheedeh, huuuri ... pass the baton ... kikikiki ... losers!"


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Residents shocked over un-poisoned Harare water

Harare water, without cynanide


Harare residents have expressed shock at news that council water was not already poisonous.

The Herald had reported that some dumb shits at Harare's Morton Jaffray Water Works - who obviously skipped those 'purple triangle means poison' classes in primary school - were about to pour 19 tonnes of sodium cyanide into Harare's drinking water, before some idle driver stopped them.

"We are in shock," one resident said. "So, you mean, all along, our water was not poisoned?"

Other residents expressed shock that council water still existed at all. "We haven't had water here, poisoned or not, for 17 years," some said. "The water shortages would have saved us all", said one resident, wearing a Tsvangirai-in-Australia grin.



Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Mother's milk is best!


To the left, the soon-to-be-bust Dendairy. To the right, the National Milk.
We found this at an OK outlet. We expect more outlets to be more patriotic


Thousands of milk drinkers are pouring into supermarkets across the country after the much-awaited Alpha Omega milk, freshly squeezed from the prolific cow-boobs of the nation’s First Dairy, finally hit the shelves.
"We had been salivating since Amai talked about the dairy in the Sunday Mail," a guzzler said, waiting in a queue outside an OK Store, and salivating.

Why was the launch of Alpha milk so eagerly awaited?

An analyst explained: "We all want to live long. We hear this is what the Eternally Energetic 88-year-old Man from Zvimba drinks. So, clearly, this milk is going to fly off the shelves at the speed of Morgan's zip."

Shops reported that sales in imported milk have withered and sagged lower than boobs at a Zanu Women's League Congress.

Mango flavoured Appetina.
"Fuck off you Clover, you Parmalat, Danone and you NutriDay and all those other Sethafriken shits. Oh, and a special, double-thick fuck you to Nestle. Refused to take our mother’s milk thinking we couldn’t do it on our own. Bastards!" said one kid who still has milk on the nose.

This will become the national drink, the ZBC reported. It said the milk had been welcomed by People From All Walks Of Life, a secretive organisation of nameless people who appear every night on ZBC news and like to 'castigate' a lot.

A health expert reiterated: "Mukaka waAmai (mother’s milk) is best for her children." He then laughed, realising how lame that statement was.

It is expected that, naturally, Alpha Omega products will now become the compulsory product of choice in all government buildings, where tea time is known to be the highlight of every government worker's day. 









Monday, June 11, 2012

Wife of 88-year-old man shocked at his energy

88 not out!! - Rihanna poses with the young old man from Zvimba


The beautiful, young wife of an 88-year old man from Zvimba has declared her pleasant shock at the everlasting energy of her husband.

This morning, she said, he managed to wake up, all on his own, and rule a whole country with an iron fist.

“He is very, very healthy,” the wife of the 88-year-old Zvimba man said. And with that wink and giggle that all gossiping housewives recognise from their naughty over-the-durawall chit-chats, she added, “and energetic too”.
Many jealous people doubted her statement. Some of them said it was a plan to convince doubters that the 88-year-old will have no problem in campaigning in the upcoming elections. But a Zanu spokesman said: “Some of us were beginning to doubt because of all those silly rumours. But now we have no reason to doubt. Who can know the energy of a man better than his wife?”

The news has left the MDC reeling.

Asked to comment on news that the wife of the Zvimba man had said her husband has eternal energy, a spokesman for the Prime Minister refused to comment, saying: “Only the Prime Minister’s wife is authorised to comment on his energy.”




Thursday, May 24, 2012

Morgan finally shows Presidential qualities

Morgan on the trip to Germany where he saluted the wrong flag and stuff. (Getty)


Prime Minister Tsvangirai will travel to China with a massive delegation of his hangers-on, plus his wife, at the taxpayer’s expense, in a move that proves he is presidential material after all.

According to reports, the PM will travel with a delegation of all the hangers-on in his office, perhaps including that sick fuck who wants women to shave their heads and never bath again.

His new wife, Sleazy Lizzy, is traveling first class with her Chubby Hubby.

Analysts said by spending taxpayers’ money on a trip that is as pointless as Gono’s doctorate, Tsvangirai is showing he has all the attributes of a president.
Going on useless foreign trips with ridiculously huge delegations of allowance-sucking bastards is very presidential, they said.

“A lot of so-called analysts have always been talking shit, saying the Right Honourable does not have presidential qualities. The women and all that. The homos at eTV even posted a video of him making a fool of himself with all that protocol bullshit in Germany. Look at him now, fools, say something now,” his spokesman, Luke Tamborinyoka, taunted reporters.
Analysts predict it won’t be long before the PM shows even more nice presidential characteristics; like speaking Victorian English, stealing elections, clinging to power, that sort of thing.

Monday, May 14, 2012

98% of Zimbos are literate. Who are the other 2%?

                                                                               Your average Zimbo politician.


According to a newly released report, 98% of the nation is literate. The remaining 2% is made up of politicians.
The Centre for the Deciphering of Inscriptions and Symbols (AKA Reading), said it had conducted extensive research before coming to that shocking conclusion.

“Yes, we can confirm that Unesco has declared Zimbabwe’s literacy rate stands at 98%, the highest on the African continent,” said an expert who looked like he knew what the hell he was talking about.

“We can also confirm that the remaining two percent is made up of MPs and Ministers.”

Asked whether he was not aware that, according to the UN, per capita, Zimbabwe has the world’s highest ratio of PhD Ministers, the expert said: “Take a look around you. Do you see any fucking evidence that this country is run by educated people?”
He pulled out a long list of really dumb shit done by politicians over recent times, from all that whole diesel-from-a-rock buffoonery in Chinhoyi to everything that comes out on ZBC between 8 and 9PM every fucking night. 

But he put it all away very fast because he quickly realised that the 98% who are literate would still vote for the 2% who are dimwits at the next election and these ass-swipes would become MPs, ministers and so forth and he'd be up to his eyeballs in shit.

MPs however said they welcomed the report. One Minister said he was proud that so many people in the country were able to read and write, even if he himself hasn’t the foggiest idea how to do so.


Monday, May 7, 2012

The VP talks bull....

Faithful bulls are no fun 


Women, listen carefully.

Now, if a whole Vice President, a whole war veteran, who shot down a whole helicopter with her AK47, was washing her philandering husband’s feet, then who the hell are you to be complaining about your hubby's cheating?

Listen to the most powerful woman in the country speak: “I did not stop washing by husband’s feet, even when he had done wrong”.

Doing "wrong" here means sleeping around with a few chicks. Beatter, the fat one with the Fanta-face and big ass and the humungous boobies for a general to rest his weary head on. Or Prevalence, the talkative, skinny Rhumba dancer known for climbing up the railings at Rufaro stadium every Sunday to wiggle her skinny ass for Dynamos.
In fact, according to the VP, you women should do nothing about your husbands’ philandering. OK? Just sit down and wash his feet.

Here’s how she puts it: “Kana pamba pako uine bhuru reBrahman, dzichienda kudhibhi haugone kuritaurira kuti servicer (mombe) yekwanhingi usaservicer yekwanhingi.” (interpretation: let bulls roam free)
In fact, while Brahman is servicing all sorts of cows, he gets his spies to trail your ass, making sure you don’t go out to find your own service. That’s what the VP said.

In other words, just let your hubbies, in the deep, philosophical words of the Notorious BIG, “fuck bitches”.

When he comes home in the morning, reeking of liquor and wild pussy, wash his feet and shut your mouth.

And, yet, here you are, you ‘modern woman’, talking out your ass about ‘hee in these days of HIV, hee no to violence against women’.
You women thought you had progressed? No. You are falling backwards into deep backward shit.

And the Brahmans? They roam the fields, looking for random plum heifers to service. Why not?

Women, if our VP can wash the hooves of her philandering Brahman, who are you to demand anything better?

Who are you? Are you a Vice President of a country? No? Did you ever shoot down a helicopter with an AK47? No? Then sit your ass down then.
Shut the hell up and watch those who are Vice Presidents, and those who shot down choppers, peel back all those gains you women figured you had won.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Dear Locadia ...

             Please forgive me. It was not an easy decision to make. I still love you.
                                                                                                               pic: Byo24
          
                                 
My darling Locadia,
Time and opportunity have forced me to send off this wild missive over to you that side, with a pierced heart leaking fountains of endless sorrow.

How are the wagons of life pulling for you over that side of the deep blue ocean of love?
Locky, my dear, my heart is suffering a big headache. I suffer from the geographical path that now separates us.

Sweetie, maximum love and sweet memory have metamophorsised into surprising phantasmagorical circumstances and I find myself forced to do the painful task of making this pen do a gingerly dance on this cursed piece of timber.
Yes, God cursed this piece of timber a long time ago when it was still a seedling; one day it would become this piece of paper that now carries the cries of my weeping soul to my lost love, Locky.

Lovie, please don’t jump out of your skin and try to dance in your skeleton when you read this letter.
Firstly, l acknowledge your painful existence at the sudden and bombastic deprivation of my sweet love.

You ask me how are you? As for me l am half orange and half lemon meaning that things are half sweet like an unwanted visitor’s Mazoe. In other words, I am half-half, the carrying system of a donkey. I am fine. Loneliness only.
Now you ask me, ‘but why loneliness when I see in the papers you and Lizzy?’

Sweetie, please understand. Mine wasn’t an easy decision. I had to close eyes and choose.
Besides, you look the same.
Lovie, you know I would do anything for you. Even brush a crocodile’s teeth for you. Tickle a hippo’s balls.

But, sorry, I just can't be yours anymore. 

Please understand I’m under pressure. Why are people judging me? Judging judging judging all the time. Why?

When they met their own women in the street, did they say ‘pss, sisi ndakudai, I love you, but which party does your father support?’ Did they ask ‘are you Dynamos or Highlander? Ho, so it matters when it’s the Prime Minister of the Country? Ho, because it’s Morgan from Buhera they become Chief Justice Chidyausiku and want to judge me?
And I know she was once a girlfriend of several of these Zanu 'young turks'. I know them. But some of these very people saying this ka, their wives once loved Nigerians and now they are having problems with measuring up.
Sweetie, please don’t despair. Don’t rip your heart out and throw it far, far away. Keep your heart. I still love you. I love you over than.

But I just can’t be with two women. I am the Prime Minister of the Country.
With love.

Your darling Morgy.

PS: SWALK ( Sealed with a lovely kiss )

 PS again: My mother says you are good with sweeping. If only that mattered.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: 88-year-old Zvimba man defies all logic

Random Zvimba Man being led by Random Mt Darwin Woman upon
arrival of said Random Zvimba Man from a 12 or 15 or so hour flight
                                                                             pic: Daily News


Health Experts were stunned as a random 88-year-old man from Zvimba disembarked from a 12-hour flight from Asia and immediately headed into a series of long meetings that have a serious bearing on the fate of 12 million or so people.
We asked a Health Expert how he reacted to the news. He said: “I was stunned.”

When Cynic arrived at the scene, dozens of witnesses were still as wide-eyed as you would be if you bumped into Makandiwa at the 3rd Annual Zinatha Convention & Witchdoctoring Paraphernalia Expo.
“I have never seen anything like that. A man from Zvimba just came off that plane after it was in the air for about 12, maybe 15 hours, I don’t know, then he just went off to chair meetings we were told are important.”

Asked whether this was why he was as wide-eyed as a goat at a Zimbabwean marriage ceremony, he said “yes”.

Commentators say the world has never seen this phenomenon.
“This is the first 88-year-old man from Zvimba to disembark from a long, long, long flight but still go to chair meetings,” said a political commentator, who declined to be named because most commentators talk shit and who wants their kids to know their father makes a living talking shit.

Zvimba Man boxes a woman. He let her win.
A visit to a Harare old people’s home revealed most 88-year-olds there had never come off a 15-hour flight and headed straight to important meetings.
We asked one old looking man. “No. I have never come off a 12 hour flight. In fact, I have never come off a flight because I have never been on one at all. Do you want to put me on a flight?”

We said no.
We then asked another oldish looking fellow, who may be close to 88, but seeing as he only got had a birth certificate in 1989 these things are hard to tell. He declined to comment saying was hoping the chair he was sitting on was a toilet because he was sure he had just done something.

We were unable to find any 88-year-old man who is like that random man from Zvimba who disembarked from a 12-hour flight and immediately headed into important, long meetings.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

ZRP: The Greatest Cops on the Planet




Ok, let’s be fair. Maybe the dude tried to stop this minibus crew after they'd committed some road crime. Bastards tries to speed off, and Cde Officer, dedicated as ever, tries to stop the vehicle with his sheer might. But the car speeds off and he soon finds it ain’t easy jumping off a moving car. and it wasn't such a clever plan.

Or, maybe, the minibus crew and the officer fails to agree on, eh, a 'fee'. The officer demands more, driver tries to speed off, Officer Action remembers he has rent to pay and hungry kids to feed and needs to buy airtime and he tries to stop the vehicle.
Either way, we must salute ZRP. They must have some wicked training at Morris Depot.
Which other force on this planet has cops that jump on moving minibuses?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Remind me again. Why is weed illegal?






This guy, smoking weed here in his youth, was to later become leader of the most
powerful country in the world. So who are you to deny me a few whiffs?



Well, if the evangelisticalest of world evangelists says he has no problem with weed, then who am I, a sinner saved by grace, to stand here and not pump my fist in the air and write to the Copac people to include weed rights in the new constitution?
Pat Robertson. Remember him? The guy whose smug little face would peek into your living room every old Sunday back in the day on TV asking us to touch the screen and be saved from our pagan ways? 700 Club guy.

Now, generally, this right-wing idiot is a gaping mine of a asshole. Supported apartheid, talks out of right-wing ass, and, well, is an all round moron.

But this, in the NY Times: “I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol. I’ve never used marijuana and I don’t intend to, but it’s just one of those things that I think: this war on drugs just hasn’t succeeded.”

Amen.
Wish our own pastors would wake up and smell the high-grade. We know they all smoke weed. Especially that Kunonga bastard. Makandiwa is cool so he’s definitely on something.  (Pastor Mbhoro is on crack. Big difference) 
And can we please stop pretending weed is only smoked by Rastas and jobless ghetto youths? I know for a fact it's smoked in Cabinet. I checked.
Time we had a real debate about weed.

Nobody - NOBODY – has ever put forward a convincing argument as to why weed is illegal. It’s just illegal. Why? Just because it is. Why? Because it was always illegal. So, no reason. Ridiculous because beer, which is more harmful – and causes pot bellies, like that of the guy at your office who’s always doing PowerPoint presentations with his shirt button over the navel open because the fucking belly is too big  to fit in his shirt – is legal.
Beer’s OK, they say. Unless I drink and drive, they say. Or take too much and become a menace, they say. Fair.

So why In the name of the Great Weed God of Mount Mulanje can’t I smoke my weed in peace?

If I’m stoned  in my own home, laughing at the paint on my  wall, what the fuck is your   problem?
So what if I swear Mugabe clambered through my window and took a puff and we watched Kung Fu flicks through the night, mimicking all those Shaolin master sounds ? My  problem.

Why should a small joint of weed, in my  own home, bring the bloody Police to my door?

Everyday, I read about some guy arrested only for having 'a few twists' with him. Cops even go on and state the 'street value'. So they have a weed price monitoring unit?
Why is weed illegal? Remind me again.




Thursday, March 1, 2012

Gono vs Kereke: Don't stop the bitchfight!


You’ve seen hookers fight, right?
On one side, Belinda, the skinny one with the brown spots and hoarse voice. And on the other side, fat Bibiana, the one with the big boobies.

Screams. Wigs flying. Hair pulled. Clothes ripped.
You run closer because you like watching bitch fights. Like me.

You are enjoying the show. Idiot comes and asks you why they’re fighting. Even tries to mediate. He’s a moron. Because, number one; he’s trying to stop a bitch fight. Who does that? Two; who understands where bitches have been and what freakish shit got them here?
So why intervene? Do you understand the politics of Avenues hookery?

Remember, these are no ordinary women. In the words of A Pimp Named Slickback in the Boondocks, “What woman, sir, this here is a ho ..”
A younger Gono, in his autobio.
Academic trials heh?
"You could never have secured
a quarter
of the PhD requirements using your very
limited and blunt academic
mental
amplitude even in 5 decades - Kereke to
Gono
Which is why I won’t try understand this bitch fight between Gono and Kereke, that paedophile Gono sacked as his right-hand-man. Alleged paedophile.

For those that don’t read, here’s the fight so far; Kereke gets sacked, he writes to Zanu saying Gono is incompetent and corrupt, Gono says don’t listen to this overambitious fool, and Kereke responds in a letter saying Gono is a corrupt dimwit; he wrote the PhD for Gono and Gono stole money etc.


No, I will not try to understand. I choose to just sit back and watch; secrets revealed, clothes ripped off. Weirdly positioned birthmarks exposed.


The more is revealed of the sordid whorehouse that became our central bank under Gono the better.
Only whores know the secrets of whorehouses. And who better to reveal the secrets of the whorehouse than a fired whore? Who are the sleaziest clients? Who never pays? Who sucks toes? Who likes a bit of spanking? All that.

And bitches only say interesting shit when they’re angry. Or drunk. Or drunk AND angry. Like these two chaps.

So don’t none of you bastards stop this brawl.

Go on bitches! Fight, fight, fight….

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Our leaders and their cakes!

                                                                                                                                   Pic: Sunday Mail


This, above, is Robert's rather freakish birthday cake. A dead-looking crocodile, mutupo wekwa Gushungo.

And, this, below, is a photo of Morgan's own birthday cake.


Enough said!

Friday, February 24, 2012

The prophet and the one night stand...


Now, don’t get me wrong.
I don’t hate our new breed of prophets and apostles. In fact, I said here recently that I want to be one of them.

But these must be tough times in the prophecy business. Competition heating up.
So, can't have just ANY poster. Even standing next to your prophetess – that skin lightening cream model – is no longer enough.

Also looks like conferences with thunderous titles like ‘Fire Holy Power Explosion’ don’t cut it anymore.
So you have stuff like this here, ‘The One Night Stand Conference’.

Now, I was saying to myself, Cynic, easy old boy, watanga, you are being dirty. Not everyone is a sicko like you. The sexual imagery here is just coincidental. Sit down.
But then, right at the bottom, the poster says, ‘One night only, when you wake up, we’ll be gone’.

Who, me? Judge? No, never. I refuse to judge.
Besides, long ago, before I became a man, I too had a few one night stands. Much less than I wanted, I confess.

But, at least, I had the decency to stay long enough for breakfast.

Single people, if strange things appear in your bed to have sex with you,
you know where to go!