Tuesday, March 20, 2012

ZRP: The Greatest Cops on the Planet




Ok, let’s be fair. Maybe the dude tried to stop this minibus crew after they'd committed some road crime. Bastards tries to speed off, and Cde Officer, dedicated as ever, tries to stop the vehicle with his sheer might. But the car speeds off and he soon finds it ain’t easy jumping off a moving car. and it wasn't such a clever plan.

Or, maybe, the minibus crew and the officer fails to agree on, eh, a 'fee'. The officer demands more, driver tries to speed off, Officer Action remembers he has rent to pay and hungry kids to feed and needs to buy airtime and he tries to stop the vehicle.
Either way, we must salute ZRP. They must have some wicked training at Morris Depot.
Which other force on this planet has cops that jump on moving minibuses?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Remind me again. Why is weed illegal?






This guy, smoking weed here in his youth, was to later become leader of the most
powerful country in the world. So who are you to deny me a few whiffs?



Well, if the evangelisticalest of world evangelists says he has no problem with weed, then who am I, a sinner saved by grace, to stand here and not pump my fist in the air and write to the Copac people to include weed rights in the new constitution?
Pat Robertson. Remember him? The guy whose smug little face would peek into your living room every old Sunday back in the day on TV asking us to touch the screen and be saved from our pagan ways? 700 Club guy.

Now, generally, this right-wing idiot is a gaping mine of a asshole. Supported apartheid, talks out of right-wing ass, and, well, is an all round moron.

But this, in the NY Times: “I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol. I’ve never used marijuana and I don’t intend to, but it’s just one of those things that I think: this war on drugs just hasn’t succeeded.”

Amen.
Wish our own pastors would wake up and smell the high-grade. We know they all smoke weed. Especially that Kunonga bastard. Makandiwa is cool so he’s definitely on something.  (Pastor Mbhoro is on crack. Big difference) 
And can we please stop pretending weed is only smoked by Rastas and jobless ghetto youths? I know for a fact it's smoked in Cabinet. I checked.
Time we had a real debate about weed.

Nobody - NOBODY – has ever put forward a convincing argument as to why weed is illegal. It’s just illegal. Why? Just because it is. Why? Because it was always illegal. So, no reason. Ridiculous because beer, which is more harmful – and causes pot bellies, like that of the guy at your office who’s always doing PowerPoint presentations with his shirt button over the navel open because the fucking belly is too big  to fit in his shirt – is legal.
Beer’s OK, they say. Unless I drink and drive, they say. Or take too much and become a menace, they say. Fair.

So why In the name of the Great Weed God of Mount Mulanje can’t I smoke my weed in peace?

If I’m stoned  in my own home, laughing at the paint on my  wall, what the fuck is your   problem?
So what if I swear Mugabe clambered through my window and took a puff and we watched Kung Fu flicks through the night, mimicking all those Shaolin master sounds ? My  problem.

Why should a small joint of weed, in my  own home, bring the bloody Police to my door?

Everyday, I read about some guy arrested only for having 'a few twists' with him. Cops even go on and state the 'street value'. So they have a weed price monitoring unit?
Why is weed illegal? Remind me again.




Thursday, March 1, 2012

Gono vs Kereke: Don't stop the bitchfight!


You’ve seen hookers fight, right?
On one side, Belinda, the skinny one with the brown spots and hoarse voice. And on the other side, fat Bibiana, the one with the big boobies.

Screams. Wigs flying. Hair pulled. Clothes ripped.
You run closer because you like watching bitch fights. Like me.

You are enjoying the show. Idiot comes and asks you why they’re fighting. Even tries to mediate. He’s a moron. Because, number one; he’s trying to stop a bitch fight. Who does that? Two; who understands where bitches have been and what freakish shit got them here?
So why intervene? Do you understand the politics of Avenues hookery?

Remember, these are no ordinary women. In the words of A Pimp Named Slickback in the Boondocks, “What woman, sir, this here is a ho ..”
A younger Gono, in his autobio.
Academic trials heh?
"You could never have secured
a quarter
of the PhD requirements using your very
limited and blunt academic
mental
amplitude even in 5 decades - Kereke to
Gono
Which is why I won’t try understand this bitch fight between Gono and Kereke, that paedophile Gono sacked as his right-hand-man. Alleged paedophile.

For those that don’t read, here’s the fight so far; Kereke gets sacked, he writes to Zanu saying Gono is incompetent and corrupt, Gono says don’t listen to this overambitious fool, and Kereke responds in a letter saying Gono is a corrupt dimwit; he wrote the PhD for Gono and Gono stole money etc.


No, I will not try to understand. I choose to just sit back and watch; secrets revealed, clothes ripped off. Weirdly positioned birthmarks exposed.


The more is revealed of the sordid whorehouse that became our central bank under Gono the better.
Only whores know the secrets of whorehouses. And who better to reveal the secrets of the whorehouse than a fired whore? Who are the sleaziest clients? Who never pays? Who sucks toes? Who likes a bit of spanking? All that.

And bitches only say interesting shit when they’re angry. Or drunk. Or drunk AND angry. Like these two chaps.

So don’t none of you bastards stop this brawl.

Go on bitches! Fight, fight, fight….