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| "Wait, whaaaat? New direction? Bwaahahaha...seka zvako mwana waBona" |
The Head of State and Government and WhatWhat has
called an urgent press conference to express his shock that people are shocked that he has reappointed the same old deadwood
to his Cabinet.
“After 33 years of ruling you, I
thought all of you would know me by now,” the visibly disappointed Head of
State and Government and Commander in Chief of Chakuti Chakuti said at State
House.
“You know the only thing that’s surprising? The number of times
Zimbabweans keep getting surprised at my inability to surprise. The only
surprise here is that my people are surprised. Well, if you don’t know me by
now...” he said, throwing his hands in the air in disappointment, before explaining his fears that if his people didn't know him by now, they will never, never, never know him.
"All the things, that we've been through," he said. "You should understand me, like I understand you ... I ain't gonna do nuthn, to upset my happy party. Ohh don't get so excited, when I'm announcing a Cabinet, cause you only act like children, when it's surprise you get..."
When a stupid reporter asked him,
“But, oh great Head of State and Government, the people were expecting a new direction ...” he
was cut off."All the things, that we've been through," he said. "You should understand me, like I understand you ... I ain't gonna do nuthn, to upset my happy party. Ohh don't get so excited, when I'm announcing a Cabinet, cause you only act like children, when it's surprise you get..."
“Look. If I wanted this new direction, don't you think I
would have appointed a Minister of New Direction? I’m not silly.”
The People from All Walks of
Life, a shadowy group that regularly emerges to “hail” and “welcome” all kinds
of shit, appeared on ZBC and said: “We hail this Cabinet. We welcome it. It will
usher in a new dispensation, whatever the fuck that means.”