Friday, June 20, 2014

The ZanuPedia - Chef Lingo Explained


IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE MINISTRY OF EXPLAINING COMPLICATED SHIT

It has come to our attention that people from all walks of life are unable to understand what our patriotic leaders mean when they talk.

You all know that our chefs have their kind of language different from that used by the ignorant masses. Therefore, in an attempt to avoid confusion, the Ministry of Explaining Complicated Things is happy to announce this simple guide to help the people decipher chef lingo.

It is called the ZanuPedia.

Herewith some of the more common areas of confusion:


1.       Territorial integrity - ZanuPedia Definition: Owning more than 27 farms and refusing to give up all that territory.


2.       Sovereignty – The ability of chefs to shop overseas.


3.       The gains of the liberation struggle – A chef’s bank account, at least three light-skinned small-houses, and those 27 farms.


4.       Sanctions - An evil spirit that causes leaders to steal and mismanage resources against their will.


5.       Helping Police with investigations – To be detained, usually illegally, and having your balls kicked in, and your soles whipped till you admit to stuff like killing Kaguvi or something.


6.       National Security - Protecting chefs from the hungry masses. It usually involves hiring 45 guards.


7.       Regime Change Agenda - Free elections, free expression, and all that nonsense.


8.       Regime change agent – One who demands above.

9.       Diesel - A magical oily substance that emerges mysteriously from a rock when it is hit by a mysterious female n’anga’s magic stick while grown ass men with no shoes look on in amazement.

10.   Sellout – Any black person who has no farm.

11.   Campaign materials – Clubs, whips, machetes, knives, and some such weapons.

12.   Campaign strategy – Efficient and consistent use of the above.

13.   Indigenisation – Buying without paying.

14.   IndiChinasation – Not to be confused with number 10. This is the sell-off of national assets to China.

15.   Dividing the nation – Exposing corruption

16.   Anti-revolutionary – Also exposing corruption

17.   Unruly elements – People who do 15 and 16

18.   Strong leadership – The ability to eloquently insult white people in the finest English.

19.   Observers/Experts – Imaginary people that appear to journalists in visions.

20. Youth – Anyone below the age of 90

 
More shall be added as we get feedback from People from All Walks of Life.

 By Order:
Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Explaining Complicated Shit.
 

2 comments:

  1. Please Define "People from all walks of Life" Honorable Perm Sec

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please give us an explanation for Cadre's

    ReplyDelete