Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Only 2 delegates left for congress



Herald picture showing how neat Zimbo demonstrators are with their placards

After a big number of suspensions and firings and chasing away of many top chefs in the party, it has now been confirmed that only two delegates are now left to attend the December congress.

A spokesman confirmed that only two delegates are left to attend the congress.
Giving details, he said: “Yes. Only two members are left to attend the December congress.”

He also added that even he himself was no longer attending, as he would likely also soon be chased down the streets by crowds of skinny men and large women waving large, neatly printed placards.

Although the spokesman refused to name the two delegates, our sources say the two delegates are a married couple. The man is the owner of the party, and also, he believes, owner of the country. The woman, formerly known as the First Typist, or, more accurately, the real First Secretary, recently acquired a microwave doctorate.

At the congress, the man will go on the podium and shout the slogan ‘Pamberi neni’, punching the air.  The woman, who will be, like, the whole actual crowd, will shout back ‘Pamberi nemi daddy’, raising her fist, but taking care not to shake it too much, lest one drops that platinum-encrusted Cartier watch, the new one from the exclusive Ballon Bleu de Cartier collection, not that cheap Chanel Premiere bought at the Bawadi Mall in Dubai.

Pamberi Neni... Pamberi nemi...Pamberi Neni... Pamberi nemi...  This bullshit will continue for three days, an insider said.

People from all walks of life, the shadowy group that appears every night on ZBC to agree with everything, welcomed the development, as they always do.

 ‘This means there will be no more factionalism. Because, as you know, put three Zimbabweans in a room, and they will come out with four factions. So it’s good if only two people attend,’ said a member of the people from all walks of life.

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