Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Book of Factions: Verse 1-16



 
 
 
1.       One day two women dumb political factions, came to King Solomon The Fat Speaker, and one of them said:

2.      Mr Fat Speaker Sir, this bitch and I once lived in the same house. Not long ago, my baby party was formed, and years later, they claimed my own party was born. Nobody else was there with us, except maybe a few donors and white farmers and stuff, the usual midwives.

3.      One night while we were all asleep, something we like to do while The Wolves of Zanuland are out there looting and plundering and eating children, she rolled over on her baby, and he died. Well, to be honest, I wrote a nasty letter to her husband and she sent some young people to beat me up kuma-grocer pakazara vanhu.

4.      Then while I was still asleepeth - I told you I like sleeping - she got up and tooketh my party out of my Harvest House. She then went around telling People from All Walks of Life that the baby was hers.

5.      In the morning when I got up to feedeth my son my usual renewal bullshit porridge, I saw that he was dead. But when I looked at him in the light, which was really a candle because Zesa were being sons of bitches as usual, I knew he wasn’t my kid.

6.      “No!” the other bitch shouted. “He was your son. My baby is alive! Shiiiit.”

7.      “The dead baby is yours,” the first chick yelled. “Mine is alive, yoh!”

8.      They argued back and forth in front of the Fat Speaker, like two Avenues hookers – Bibiana and Spathodia - argue in front of a horny ZRP officer, until finally Speaker said unto them bitches, “Bitches! Both of you say this live baby is yours.

9.      Someone bring me a sword.”

10.   A sword – well, more relevantly an okapi, but in actual fact a rather not-so-violent parliament ruling - was brought, and Fat Speaker be like,

11.  “Cut the baby in half! That way each of you motherfuckers can have part of it.”

12.  “Please don’t kill my son,” screamed the so-called baby’s mother. “Mr Fat Speaker Sir, I love him very much. Just don’t kill him.”

13.  The other woman shouted, “Nah bitch, Go ahead and cut the motherfucker fam. Then neither of us will have the baby. If I can’t have him, nobody else can.”

14.  And so Mr Fat Speaker Sir said, “Don’t kill the baby.” Then he pointed to the first woman, “She is his real mother. Give the baby to her” … And then he said, “Nah, in fact, I’m playing. Cut that kid up…”

15.  And, having been watching through the windows and cheering on the whole thing and smelling blood, the Fat Dirty Bastard Wolves of Zanuland, barking and salivating, came rushing in through the gates and feasted upon the baby’s carcass.

16.  Everyone in the land, a country that used to be called Zimbabwe but has now become Zvimba-bwe after being taken over by a wealthy family from the mysterious Zvimba monarchy, was amazed when they heard how Mr Fat Speaker Sir had made his decision.

1 comment:

  1. MY NAME IS MARIAM FROM SOUTH AFRICA...I SAW THIS COMMENT ON POSITIVE BLOGS AND I WILL LOVE TO TELL EVERYBODY HOW MY STATUS CHANGES TO NEGATIVE, AND AM NOW A LIVING WITNESS OF IT AND I THINK ITS A SHAME ON ME IF I DON'T SHARE THIS LOVELY STORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE INFECTED WITH THIS DEADLY VIRUS...,HIV HAS BEEN ONGOING IN MY FAMILY... I LOST BOTH PARENTS TO HIV,. AND IT IS SO MUCH PAIN IVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER.. AS WE ALL KNOW MEDICALLY THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO IT..AND MEDICATION IS VERY EXPENSIVE..SO SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO A NATIVE MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IN AFRICA..I HAD A JOB THERE TO EXECUTE SO I TOOK TIME TO CHECK OUT ON HIM.I SHOWED HIM ALL MY TESTS AND RESULTS.. I WAS ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKING ITS TOWL ON ME.. I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS SO I DECIDED TO TRY HIM OUT...I WAS ON HIS DOSAGE FOR 1 MONTHS. ALTHOUGH I DIDNT BELIEVE IN IT, I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT OF FRUSTRATION... AND AFTER 2 WEEKS, I WENT FOR NEW TESTS... AND YOU WONT BELIEVE THAT 5 DIFFERENT DOCTORS CONFIRMED IT THAT AM NEGATIVE..IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,,I NEVER BELIEVE AIDS HAS CURE..AM NOW NEGATIVE,,AM A LIVING WITNESS..I DONT KNOW HOW TO THANK THIS MAN... I JUST WANT TO HELP OTHERS IN ANY WAY I CAN..HAVE JOINED MANY FORUMS AND HAVE POSTED THIS TESTIMONIES AND ALOT OF PEOPLE HAS MAIL AND CALLED THIS MAN ON PHONE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS THEY ALL CONFIRMED NEGATIVE..BBC NEWS TOOK IT LIVE AND EVERY.. HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT.. EVERYBODY SAW IT AND ITS NOW OUT IN PAPERS AND MAGAZINES THAT THERE'S NATIVE CURE FOR HIV AND ALL WITH THE HELP OF THIS MAN,,HAVE TRIED MY OWN PARTS AND ALL LEFT WITH YOU,,IF YOU LIKE TAKE IT OR NOT..GOD KNOWS HAVE TRIED MY BEST.ABOUT 97 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE THROUGH ME..AND THEY SEND MAILS TO THANKS ME AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE,,THIS MAN IS REAL..DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE,,HIV IS A DEADLY VIRUS,,GET RID OF IT NOW..
    case there is anyone who has similar problem and still

    looking for a way out, and he those cast all kind of spell like ::
    Love Spells
    Luck, Money Spells
    Health, Well Being
    Protection, Healing
    Curses, ex, Breakups
    NEW! Combo Spells
    High Priestess Spells
    Vampire Spells
    Authentic Voodoo Spells
    Custom, Other Spells
    Business spells
    Health/Healing spells
    Cancer healing
    Curse removal
    Job spells
    Healing from all kind of diseases
    Love binding
    Barrenness(need a child)
    Need love
    Lottery Spells
    Promotions
    Success
    Money rituals
    winning court case
    Divorce spells
    Low sperm count
    Infertility in women
    Breast enlargement/reduction
    Penis enlargement/reduction
    Diabetes
    Arthritis
    sicklecell
    YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (dr.abalaka@outlook.com) and also his state based number text him here if you're in the US: 760-935-3804 if you need any question contact me via here as mariambaurice@gmail.com i wish you best of luck and good health.

    ReplyDelete